After following God over these years, I felt I had endured some suffering and paid a certain price, so I gradually started living off my past gains and flaunting my seniority. I thought: I’ve left home for so many years and my family hasn’t heard from me in a long time. Under these circumstances, the church will surely look after me. Even if I don’t perform my work well they won’t send me home. At most they’ll just dismiss me and get me to do some other work. Due to such thinking, I did not have any burden at all in my work. I turned a blind eye to everything, and I even viewed
gospel work as an encumbrance, always living in difficulties and excuses. Even though I felt my heart accused and my conscience blamed because I was owing God too much through my perfunctory behavior, and that I would be eliminated sooner or later, I still just drifted along with the mentality of hoping to luck out, dawdling away my days in the church.
